The Good, The Bad, and The Alright

So... there's good news and bad news. What would you like first?

well, here i'll let you decide.

GOOD NEWS

I got accepted the the Culinary Institute of America!!! Well, i have conditional acceptence, so as long as i finish my work requirement and stuff, i'm in!! :) I'm sooo excited about that...

BAD NEWS

My dad's cancer is back. He'll start chemo again soon. They can't radiate, because it's all throughout his abdomin, but they're going to do chemo for a few years. They said you can't really cure it, but you can manage it, so that's how they'll be doing that.




So, there's the news. It sucks that i found out the best possible news and the worst possible news all in one day... and on Homecoming at that.

but anyway, please keep us in your prayers and thoughts.... THANKS!

Why?

ok, so for the past few months, i've been attending a different church than my mom and dad. My mom's entire side of the family (aunts, uncles, cousin, grandparents), except for my parents and my grandmother, go out to Kurten for church. Since i don't really like the youth group at Grace (the church my parents go to), i go out to Zion for church and youth group. I've also become active in the bell and vocal choirs. I love it out there, because the church is so small that everyone knows everyone else, and there's a lot of unity in the church. Well, my dad HATES that i go out there. Is it right that my dad not like that i go to church? even if it is without them (and he doesn't even go half the time anyway), at least i'm going to church right? Why is it that anytime my mom asks me about something in Kurten or something that's going on at the church that my dad yells at me for my answer, even when it's in a public place (like a restaurant, for example). I used to get along with my dad really well, and i was a complete daddy's girl, but since the whole cancer issue, he hasn't been the same, and that's completely understandable, bc it's a traumatic thing, but why does he have to act like he hates me now? Everything i do outside of "the family" i get yelled at for. Whether it's me staying late at school for my club meetings, or if it's me going to kurten for rehearsals, church, or youth, or even just having friends over to hangout and watch movies or something (even when he's at work, and it's just my mom and i at home), i get yelled at. I don't understand how trying to help the community, my school, or my spiritual life should get me in trouble. My mom is fine with me doing all these things, and actually encourages them, but my dad can't be happy for me. Why is it so hard for me to have a good relationship with my dad now? When my sister was in high school, they didn't get along either, and even while she was in college they didn't really get along all that well, but now that she's moved away, he's always saying how he wishes she would come home and visit or call and talk to him on the phone. It's as if we've switched places. Nothing i ever do is good enough for my dad unless i'm following in his footsteps or doing something for him. He's never been happy that i want to go to culinary school, not just because it's far away, but because it's not a "real career". I still get a bachelor's degree, and i still go to college for 4 years... what about that makes it not a "real career"? i just don't understand.

This semester has been the hardest semester of my high school career. I became the busiest I've ever been, lost my best friend, gained three new best friends, been stressed out more than I've been relaxed, and had so many people counting on me that the pressure has made me want to burst. Jacob, my best friend of 14 years, and I got into a huge fight. It all spurred up when he applied to be in a program I'm involved in, PALs. PALs is a mentoring/leadership organization that works within our community and our school to be positive role models to society. After interviews we, as the present pals, sit in a circle and discuss our impressions of the applicants. Jacob created a huge dilemma in my life. I couldn't tell him what was said about him, even though I wanted to, and the whole week before the new pals were announced, I couldn't tell him if he was in or not. A few days after his interview, before we discussed him in our circle, Jacob told me he lied in his teacher interview. He said that he lied about drinking. I felt obligated to bring this up within our circle, because the people making the decisions of who was in or out needed to know. Other people had objections to him, so he wasn't chosen, but I told them about his lie after they brought up their objections. After he found out he didn't make it in, he was very disappointed, and blamed me. He then put down PALs and the people in it. PALs has completely changed my life. Getting to spend time with kids less fortunate that I am and getting to just learn so much about me and other people has been the best experience of my life. The people in PALs are like my second family. Within the classroom we even call ourselves a family. He put down everything that I've grown to truly love at school, and broke me down bit by bit. I couldn't handle it anymore, so we just stopped talking. I haven't talked to him in almost a month. It hurts when I walk down the hall and see him, or listen to a song on the radio that reminds me of him, because I know I can't just call him and tell him about my day or see how his day was. I miss his friendship, but I don't miss the destroyed emotions. My three new best friends, Maria, Adrianna, and Xavier, all tell me that I should just leave him alone, and make him leave me alone as well. I'm trying to follow their advice, but it's just not working. My dad even told me that Jacob needs someone like me in his life, to keep him grounded, but I need help staying above water when I'm saving him from drowning. I can't always be the life saver; I need saving too. Maria, Adrianna, and Xavier ask for my advice with their family issues all the time, but I don't feel I can talk to them about mine, because they seem so petty compared to their situations. I end up leaving all these things bottled up inside me, and I can't do it all on my own. It ends up stressing me out. Then, there's prom. Katie Watson, one of my really good friends, is president of Junior Class council. I'm the secretary/treasurer. The major event for Junior Class Council is Prom. Katie and I came up with the theme, the colors, and everything, but now it's time to put it all together. On Tuesdays, the days that our meetings are held, I end up being at school until around 5pm; that doesn't leave much time for homework and studying. I also have bible study on Tuesday nights from 6-8:45pm, so that's even less time for school work. Wednesdays I have student council until 5pm. I had to drop AWANAS this semester because I've gotten to busy and don't have time to memorize the verses like I'd like to. My parents are depending on me to have good grades and do well in school so that I can go to college and become the genius daughter they always thought I was. The further I get in high school, the less I feel like a genius. I just feel like giving up on school, knowing that my three best friends will be off at college next year, and I have too much school to catch up with. My duel credit history class is my biggest problem right now. I am failing that class, the first class I've ever failed. Last semester, my grade was fine in that class, but this semester, I can't seem to stay focused in class, and when I'm out of class, I'm not motivated to do well. My mom just yelled at me, and told me how much I needed to study because I've really messed up, for the past 30 minutes. Then she tried to sugar coat it and said that she knew I was a smart, young lady. I HATE it when she does that, and then she gave me a hug, like that will make everything better. Today, in catering, we were tossing a paper ball, covered in taped, around the room. I tried to throw it with my left hand, and it slipped and hit Michelle right in the side of the face. I felt horrible, and I could tell she was made when she left. Mr. Torres, our teacher, even let her go early. Before she left, she threw it back at me and hit me in the back of them head. She threw really hard, so she was really mad. I told her I was really sorry, but I didn't know what else I could've done. Last weekend in catering, I had to come in on a Saturday and help with an order. I was at school from 2-9pm cooking, cleaning, and serving. We discovered later that we had TONS of leftovers, so each of the three helpers, Luis, Nicole, and I, got to take home some of them. We also get paid, but I gave up a Saturday of relaxation for that. This semester has been crazy, and I don't know if I can handle another crazy year like this. I'm not taking a dual credit class, or catering next year, but I am still taking PALs. I want summer to come, but that's not going to be relaxing either. So much stuff has been going on, and I don't know how much more I can take.

short and sorry

i know it's been about 5 million years since i've posted, and i'm sorry, but i just don't really have time. Umm here's everything that's happened in a nut shell:
Well, i've been going to school, i've been visiting my palees, went to 2 confrences w/ ZYM, just went to a PALs confrence, umm, Tyler is our new youth pastor, and he's getting married to Haley on my half birthday (Feb. 3)... ummm yeah so that's pretty much it... umm i'll try to update soon... like for real. SORRY!!
.:*Suzy*:.

i know it's been about 5 million years since i've posted, and i'm sorry, but i just don't really have time. Umm here's everything that's happened in a nut shell:
Me

i know it's been about 5 million years since i've posted, and i'm sorry, but i just don't really have time. Umm here's everything that's happened in a nut shell:
Me

i know it's been about 5 million years since i've posted, and i'm sorry, but i just don't really have time. Umm here's everything that's happened in a nut shell:
Me